Monday, October 3, 2011

Whatever


I, too, was not the perfect mother and certainly hope neither of my boys write a tell-all.
You know, if my boys wrote a book about their poor, pitiful lives (from their perspective) I'm sure I'd come off as an awful, mean, spiteful, non-cooking, make them work all the time, kind of mom.
As a parent, I did some things I'm not too proud of...but at the time it felt right and I thought I was doing the right thing, but in hindsight, things could have been handled differently. I also did a lot that I am extremely proud of, but for some reason, my boys just can't get that laugh or reaction they were looking for, so they sometimes tell things that make me cringe...it's just not the whole story.
I didn't attend some school functions, because I never got the notes. No cookies or treats after school, because they ate the weeks worth in one day. No friends in the house, because I was working and didn't want them alone with no supervision. Slapped one boy, because he was 16 and was mad and called me a name. They spent a lot of time being grounded, for breaking stuff in the house. I said the F word one time...and not F for frustrated. Trust me...there's lots more. I'll tell you here that my oldest son, oooh when he was around 14/15 was dealing me fits and one day, and I laughingly told him that new mother hamsters sometimes eat their first born litters if they get too nervous...you should hear the way this little story has been repeated. I know...I never should have said such a thing, but I thought it was funny at the time. Can you imagine how this could be made to sound in a tell-all???
They could dwell for hours on how hard I made them work around the house. They didn't realize, that mostly I was trying to keep them busy and out of trouble...anyway, I'm getting off the subject of grown children writing tell-all's about their lives. About their parents. About their suffering. About who they blame...
I'm not a fan of Martha Stewart, but what is it with kids writing these horrid books about their famous/or even non famous parents? Why do they tell family secrets/stories, why is it so important? Are they justifying their own lackluster life? Just trying to make some bucks? Do they really feel that they suffered? I read that she divulged that Martha sometimes leaves the bathroom door open when she uses the toilet.....wow!!! It was then reported on my opening AOL page that Martha has this disgusting habit. Oooh my...??!!! She said there was no food in the house...well my boys could say the same thing. I'm telling you hear and now that one time I made, from scratch, over 200 chocolate chip cookies and my boys ate them in one day. No way was I going to do that again for a long time... There were no treats in the house for weeks after that incident, then, store bought treats became the norm.
If it got right down to it, my mother could blame her mom for all sorts of stuff, I could blame my mom and my boys could blame me... I've heard parent blaming from my friends, coworkers, gosh, complete strangers will tell me about their horrible childhood. It almost becomes an identity for these people. I know, I know...even the courts recognize childhood traumas as a defense...so who am I to be critical??? BF has commented that sometime in a person's life, they've got to just look into a mirror and see who's looking back at them...and blame them.
hmmm...sins of the parents??? visited...hmmmm

11 comments:

Teresa Evangeline said...

It has long been my belief that no matter what kind of childhood one has, once we're adults we can make choices, choices how to view it and choices about how to move forward. I know people who can't stop talking about their childhood problems. This daughter is no doubt looking to make a name for herself. Sad.

Kittie Howard said...

Great post with lots of heartfelt emotion! For awhile there, I felt, deep inside, that my mother could have done This or That...and there were times when This or That ate at me. But, one day I woke up and This and That had faded into What Was and didn't touch What Is. I think this was because along the way I learned that one has to play the cards one is dealt...but it takes more than a few hands to get the hang of the game.

You did what you had to do - your boys know this. I wouldn't let This or That bother me (like I did).

turquoisemoon said...

Teresa, I find it sad too and it's just not her, there's so many tell-all's out there. Most people describe their childhood as somewhat difficult...we all had something to overcome. I've read that to some, it's become who they are. They are so identified with "their story" that they don't know who they'll become if they just drop the past and start living in the present.
Kittie, I know what you're saying. I love what you said about getting the hang of the game. That little saying will come in handy sometime in the future. Ooh my boys know...they just like to make a story more funny or more outstanding than it really was. I can always put on my Paul Harvey persona and tell "the rest of the story".

Linda Myers said...

In the long run, what I do with my life stems from what happened in my childhood, for better and for worse - and for what happened in my adulthood, also for better and for worse.

Hopefully my kids will get to that point also.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Do your boys have kids yet? Once they have their own and know what it's like to parent, they're not so quick to judge the past.

turquoisemoon said...

Debra, One does, but she's still a perfect little girl. Have you ever noticed how many "Proud Parent" bumper stickers are out there while the child is in grade school? Then there's middle-school...fewer bumper stickers, and by high school, almost none.

turquoisemoon said...

Linda, I hear what you're saying and your point has merit, but to me, that doesn't explain how siblings growing up in the same environment, experiencing similar circumstances can have such differing opinions of their childhood or even an event from their childhood. One child becomes successful an is happy because of his upbringing, the other fails and is sad for the very same... For example, my mother and her sister were both raised during the depression. One remembers their life as a happy time, full of challenges and yet successful. The other, suffered from the experiences. One has moved on and lives life today, while the other lived in the past. Her "past" became her identity, her story of suffering, it became who she was.

Out on the prairie said...

I thought I had it rough as a kid until I saw many with it even worse. I had direction given to me that I passed to the next generation and laugh when my daughter tells me that she saw the light becoming a parent and better understood the whats and whys in her childhood.

turquoisemoon said...

Steve, You are soooo right! Now, what if you wrote some book, or what if your daughter wrote some tell-all book???

One Fly said...

Sounds like you were an ok Mom to me. I can't blame my parents but they are unquestionably responsible for the way I turned out. It was not their fault because they knew no other way. Meaning religion mostly. Have yours been in jail or arrested more than once?

turquoisemoon said...

We were an ok family. The boys use their childhood to get laughs, the two of them get together and it almost sounds like a comedy team... Yes, right after high school, the older boy got into trouble, but grew out of it. The younger one never got into trouble. My mom always said that we're not to blame our parents, because they had parents too... :)