Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Eleven years ago, two days before Thanksgiving, my world changed.
I became a widow.
Thanksgiving hasn't been the same since.
The turkey planter, shown below, was actually at my husband's funeral. My sister had it made up with beautiful fall flowers and with the hope that it would serve as a "forever memory". For the past eleven years, Thanksgiving has been marked with sadness for me and I doubt if that little sad twinge will ever go away. I try to live in the moment, the present, the now, but this sadness always...always shows up at this time of year.
This year, I'm really trying to lighten up!
I'm cooking Thanksgiving dinner.
I'm looking forward to the "smell" of Thanksgiving morning. The house is decorated, shopping is done and the turkey is thawing.
Past years, I would volunteer to work...(double time)...
This year, I working on new memories.
Every time I think about, or should I say, "summons" up the sadness, I will try to replace it with a happy thought. This will have to be a conscious effort for now, but maybe it will become easier as the years go by...if I put effort into it now.
And, isn't the "now" what's important???


turquoisemoon said...

After I finished this post, I set the label for Thanksgiving. I then realized that I've written four posts on how I'm still coping with Thanksgiving and the death of my husband, now eleven years ago. Geesh...gotta move on, gotta get in the moment, gotta get in the now... This is truely tough...

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I wish you well in creating some new memories for Thanksgiving. Blessings and healing to you, turquoisemoon!

Tracy said...

Hey There,
Might I make a suggestion? Rather than beat yourself up over the shoulda, woulda, coulda's of getting over your husband's death, why don't you embrace the old with the new you are trying to obtain?
Maybe set a place for your husband at the table and have everyone write a memory of him to put on his plate and read aloud and talk of the memories. This way he will be there with you as you make new memories.
...just a thought!
my thoughts and prayers are with you during this time!

Teresa Evangeline said...

Oh, Sweetie, I was feeling sorry for myself all day today, bemoaning the loss of a relationship that's no longer in my life. Then I read this. Time for some perspective here. Please know you have my loving support as you find new ways to move beyond the pain. Eleven years may sound like a long time, but for the heart, it can be the blinking of an eye. As I'm sure you've discovered, in the Now all is well, thus the place we need to be. I'll practice with you....

Sandy Jorgensen said...

Happy Thanksgiving Lynn, one of the best friends I have!

turquoisemoon said...

Debra, healing...hmmmm, that was such a nice thought. Hadn't thought of it as that. Very good point. Thank you.
Tracy, Thank you for your thoughts. Your idea might work...may do it a little different, but what a great idea.
Teresa, wow...aren't the holidays the toughest??? I don't dwell on my loss all year, it just seems to come up at Thanksgiving. It really does seem like yesterday, but gosh...11 years. And thank you, yes...we'll practice together.
Sandy...Thanks for being such a great pal.

Arkansas Patti said...

I lost both my parents on Thanksgiving though years apart so the holiday has sad times for me also.
I try to think of the really good times we had together as a family. Each year I concentrate on occasions not all ready visited in past years memories.
It is good to remember. We can remember the loss or we can remember the good times we were so lucky to have.
There is no prescribed cure for feeling loss. We are all so different. Not sure I would really want a "cure." Though it is a pain, it is a sweet pain. We just do what works for us to get through difficult times. I hope you find the way that works for you.

turquoisemoon said...

Patti, OOh....my, I like that! I don't want a cure either, just would like to lessen the pain. And, yes, I'm focused on the loss, not the good times. I just need to change the way I'm looking at it. Ooh...Thank You!!!

MyShilohRanch said...

Oh hon, if only my heart could find words to speak to yours. How long has it been since you have been to Estes Park? I know that last time, you went with bf. But, since then, you have experienced the loss of your precious LD ... this little pit-chihuahua was linked tightly with your husband. Perhaps it is time to "go to the mountain" again ... alone this time, maybe with Sophie ... armed for comfort and with pens, notebooks and camera. If it is the wrong time of year for RMNP, is there somewhere closer? I am thinking you might benefit from a retreat of sorts. I also heartily recommend a gratitude list ... good stuff! There is light on your path and you share your light with others ... I believe that you ARE finding your way. I have something else to add to my list...I am thankful for FB bringing me to be "cyber friends" with you. You are a precious soul ... your smile lights up your world ... your joy and love for beauty is contagious. May you find the peace in Thanksgiving. Much LOVE to you. PS: I LOVE that turkey lamp! ROFL, seriously - hahahahaha

MyShilohRanch said...

PSS: how about putting a live plant in that turkey planter? One that brings you joy. You will know the right one. Put it near your totem;D